frustration from friends and family

[Adam]

This is for those of you who have been implanted for a little while. For that matter anyone implanted.

 

Have any of you seen some impatience with family or friends if for whatever reason, you do not have your processors on at the time the person was trying to talk to you? Then got frustrasted because you didnt have them on when they tried to speak?

[jpl2ci]

Adam are you now moonlighting as a mindreader? That was my experience with one implant and a hearing aid. the implant was on but not really working and the hearing aid was pretty well useless and I did not tell my wife that I had removed my devices. Hell hath no fury like a spouse..... Now I am careful to let her know, I'm taking my implants off. Life is no good! it still happens when both batteries go dead at the same time, but es la vida, folks. Does this help you?

[Adam]

When mama aint happy, aint nobody happy. I think our wives would get along great.

[Matt]

I ride motorbikes and when I have my helmet on I don't wear the processor - those that know me just talk away like I can hear them. Luckily the lip reading is still pretty good so I can often follow the conversation.

I'm single, otherwise I'm sure I'd be "forgetting" to wear my processor a lot.

[jpl2ci]

Matt, as a friend says, "you can be happy or right!" When married tis much better to be happy. You could be sleeping with the dog, if not, on your motorbike. A thought to ponder. The female of the species is infinitely more dangerous than the male.

[Matt]

My dog has standards, she says I snore.

[Adam]

look at the schnoz on that profile picture. i'm sure your dog is not the picture of peaceful sleep.

 

Being happy is the way to go for sure. just smile and nod, smile and nod.

 

Matt, I'm in thesame boat as my lipreading is still pretty good. I seem to have lost my ear gear so worked out without my processors on. A freind of mine walke up after the workout to discuss some of the technique issues i need to correct. He just chatted away. sinc ei knew the subject and can read him pretty well, i just went with it.

 

I'll say it before John. Obviously my lipreading skills are much better than my memory.

[weimar]

I don't wear my processor when I'm out on my bike (road bicycle) and am pretty good with lip reading if I can maintain control of the topic (so I can keep up with the content/context).  Sometimes when I ride in group rides, people will come up to me and start talking without realizing that I can't hear them - since I don't respond accordingly, they think I'm standoffish or stuck up.  The bigger problem is that I don't realize it until later when it is mentioned to other people who happen to know me and it gets explained then - so much for first impressions, eh?

 

As for spouses and not wearing the CI around them - my wife says she can tell if I'm wearing mine based off of my voice.  Weird, huh?

[Ivana Marinac]

Same here - you are stupid or lazy or etc. when you "are deaf".

 

But guys, how did you learn lipreading - I never used that skill although I am more than 30 years moderately hard of hearing. Didnt even tried...

[Adam]

Ivana, believe it or not, every one of us can lipread to a certain extent. some are just much better at it than others.

 

try this. Sit in front of your tv where you can see the face of the person speaking. Now turn down the volume as low as it can go with you still able to hear it. Now look away from the tv and see how well you hear it then. It should  be MUCH more difficult to hear if at all if you are not looking at the person face. Thats because you were lipreading and didn't know it.

[Leblisa]

I've never been taught how to lipread; I just learned it naturally.

 

All my life I've worked sooo hard to hear and watching mouths gave more clues as to what the person was saying than watching eyes ever did.

I don't know how you could go through 30 years of deafness without picking up some lipreading; I'd be totally lost without it.

 

Maybe husbands are sweeter than wives; mine's never showed any irritation with me due to my hearing in the 33 years we've been together; maybe you guys should get yourselves some husbands (jk, jk).

[Matt]

 

Same here - you are stupid or lazy or etc. when you "are deaf".

 

But guys, how did you learn lipreading - I never used that skill although I am more than 30 years moderately hard of hearing. Didnt even tried...

When I was assessed for my implant the audis said I was one of the best lip readers they had ever seen. I wouldn't have been able to work for the last 5 or 6 years if not for lip reading. I was self taught as well - and it helps if you control the flow of the conversation.

[Sandy]

I would not have been able to function without lip reading. I taught myself as a child. My aunt was deaf and she lip read so I thought if she can do it so can I. During the last few years I would say that 95% of my "hearing" was lip reading. Actually people thought it was funny when I said "Hold on, let me put my glasses on so I can hear you". My family has been great and more excited about my CI than me, but some of my friends have the misconception that this is a cure not an aid. I continue to be patient and persevere with the challenge of teaching those that know not what they speak.

[Miriam H]

I just dropped in on this, and I just had to comment, I so enjoyed reading the guys comments on this subject and on wifes in general! LOL

 

I'm a mother of a CI wearer, and I'm one of those family member getting frustrated trying to talk to my daughter and getting no reaction... Even worse if I have to get up and tap her, wait for her to turn CI's back on, now the patience is running low... I have mastered a couple of different skills to get her attention, tossing things at her... Creating a "wind" by blowing air on her... Splashing water if in the pool... Etc etc.

From what I'm getting from this is I guess this is a bit frustrating from both sides.

 

Perhaps Lisa is right, husbands are sweeter!? I know Adam is right with his quote "When mama aint happy, aint nobody happy"!

 

Thanks again for making me laugh today

 

Ps. My daughter was receiving Auditory Verbal Therapy after getting implanted. As I'm sure many of you know it teaches you NOT to depend on lip reading. Although we never encouraged it she's pretty good at it, and it's helpful in many situations.

[Ivana Marinac]

 

Ivana, believe it or not, every one of us can lipread to a certain extent. some are just much better at it than others.

 

try this. Sit in front of your tv where you can see the face of the person speaking. Now turn down the volume as low as it can go with you still able to hear it. Now look away from the tv and see how well you hear it then. It should  be MUCH more difficult to hear if at all if you are not looking at the person face. Thats because you were lipreading and didn't know it.

 

Oh Adam, it is not that I can not lip-read at least something. There are certain moments when I have to pick-up something from all noise which I sometimes hear and then I find myself that I am looking at other person mouth. It is instinct.

What I meant, I did not need it much so I did not master the skill. I have worn my HA a lot so I did not need to develop that skill very good only to understand not to enter into a car instead of - a bar. 

[Leblisa]

I tell people I'm 'deaf in the dark' because 15% of my comprehension comes from hearing and 85% from all the elements of 'speech-reading', of which actual lip-reading is only a part.  If I don't see your mouth, I don't understand more than 15% of what you say, even if you are 2 ft away from me in a quiet room.

 

Being a self-taught lip/speech-reader has made me an exceptionally observant person I realize, when I find out that the normal-hearing people I am with didn't pick up on the fact that that guy in the bar had broken glasses on, or that woman who asked for directions had scars on her face, or that child was constantly scratching himself.  It's absolutely amazing to me what I notice that my hearing friends don't even 'see'.

 

Of course, my hearing friends can tell you what those folks SAID, but not a lot else.  It makes me believe it when I read how police don't put much credit in 'eyewitness accounts'.

[Matt]

Lisa, that's a great point about being more observant. I think having hearing loss has sharpened my other senses in compensation. I am still surprised when I am in the car, on the bike or just walking around with friends and I say"Did you see that?" Mostly they haven't seen what I am talking about and almost seem to be looking ahead only. Now I hear as well as see more than everyone else!

[Sandy]

Lisa and Matt, I think both of you are absolutely correct. Because of the daily challenges we face, we are more observant and hone our listening skills to compensate. After I had my surgery and before I was activated, no one would get in a car with me if I was the driver. All I got was "but you can't hear!". Well duh, I couldn't hear before the implant and was probably much more observant than they were. And frustrating was and still is when you ask someone to repeat themselves and they say "oh never mind, that's okay". It's not happening as much now that I have my Rondo.

[Leblisa]

Sandy, do you have an Opus 2 as well as a Rondo? or just a Rondo?

[Sandy]

Lisa, I just have the Rondo.

[Adam]

I don't think that our senses are any better so to speak because we are deaf, i think it was put perfectly in that i don't want to miss anything so I am a lot more obseverant in my surroundings

[weimar]

we are definitely more observant than most - I think that's why I do so well at work because I'm always watching for that one thing that someone doesn't want me to see.... lol

 

As for lip reading - I used to be great at it but the skill diminished once I got a CI since I was no longer as reliant upon reading lips. Growing up, I used speakerphones to communicate on the phone - it didn't help that much in the way of communication but it was definitely louder.  I remember wishing for a phone with lips that would simulate the person on the other end so that I could read their lips and hear more accurately.  Don't even need something like that now thanks to Med-El!

[Adam]

Chuckie, I used to be VERY good at it as well but have found it more and more difficult trying to lipread since the implantes. I guess like anything else, use it or lose it.

[simekj]

Miriam, you may already know this, but if you want your child's attention when they are looking away from you, stamping the floor a couple of times then waiting is helpful.  She will turn around. Or flick a light switch on and off if you are near one.  It saves you going up to tap on her shoulder all the time esp when your hands are full.  It worked for my mum when I was a toddler/child and most other friends.  I taught my hearing nephews and nieces to say my name first, wait till i turned and then carried on talking.  (If I had HA in).  I taught them to always be in my visual zone if we were swimming and to wave and tell me if they were moving elsewhere.  Children learn quickly if you make the expectations clear and consistent.  If you use your hands when talking (sign language or simple consistent signs eg stroke your hair for brush your hair; or mimic car steering wheel for car), your child is more likely to learn to lip read faster and more smartly (kind of like picture books help some kids recognize the lettering of the associated words).

 

As a teenager, I taught myself to lipread sideways since I was in that situation a lot.  You have less lip information, but coupled with sound it is helpful.  Upside down was more challenging as you had to mentally switch the thinking process.  The brain is amazing, with practice you can do a lot.

 

Some women are more impatient but not all.  i have a habit of instructing people almost straight away that i have not got any hearing devices on if I am in that position.  It sets the standard as they know in that situation what to do - get my attention first, then speak; or face me.  I think it is just about making expectations clear for them.

 

If that doesn't work, pray for them to receive the spirit of grace and patience.  I am really enjoying that with CIs I get WAY less eye rolling or frustrations from people.  Quite liberating because the former was quite demeaning at times.  Yes, count the blessings

K

[jpl2ci]

Hi y'all, my son is home for2 months and what an adjustment. My wife and I communicate quite well as we are empty nesters, as I prefer to be happy than right, Adam, ssshhhh. He speaks rather fast and his timber take some adjustment. I am a little frustrated but he and I will work things out. He is definitely not use dot my limitations!