Question

[Arielle511]

I do not have children. But I asked my mom is I was born deaf would she get me a CI. She told me no and that I would go to a deaf school that uses ASL and she would have to learn my language and be in my life not the other way around.

I just wonder why do parents just to a CI when the have a deaf child and not put them in their culture of being deaf and a school of their own. I'm not trying to be rude but is it fear, or laziness that you don't want or have time to learn ASL or that you think the deaf school doesn't have the same chances at the hearing schools. I have friends that are deaf and one of them has no CI but has no relationship with her parents because they never bothered to try to learn to communicate with her and that is their fault.

Do parents think of the chance that if it doesn't work but then they have a device that can't be removed for even in their child or what if years go by and you haven't let your child learn to sign or you haven't learned and the CI stop working what do you do now if the communication is blocked. At the end of it it's not a cure and when it's off they are back to being deaf but stuck in between world cause most deaf communities won't accept someone who is implanted and in the hearing world people want to assume deafies with a CI aren't deaf anymore.

My doctor is really great and told me he would never tell someone that is their only choice or best choose he lets every home decide for themselves. He thinks that it should be a decision made by that individual because once it's done that's it. If a child is born deaf then that is who they are and they should be given the chance to be who they are in the world they were born into which is the deaf world.

Again not trying to be rude but I'm just curious. I am a deafie and I was hearing until I was 20 and I made this choice myself 7 years later and my mom still doesn't want me to have a CI but I am getting my first one August 5th. I'm not against a CI but I'm against having choices being taking away that will be in my life for ever.

[tristenc17]

Did you get your CI? How it working out? Thoughts? Regrets?

I'm the mother of a deaf baby, she is 6 months old and the light of my life.  I came across your question when I did a web search for "mom of deaf baby forum." I think a lot of parents of deaf children want whats best for their children. I think they believe giving their child a CI will allow them to live in both worlds, hearing and deaf. We know our baby isn't cured, and I personally realize she is deaf and I want her to thrive in the deaf community.  My husband and I have taken sign language classes and are starting the advanced section in January, and sign with our baby daily.  We have meetings with the local deaf school and fully plan on our daughter attending as soon as she can, with a few hours a day starting at 18 months.  

But at the same time, we want her to be able to communicate with hearing people, whether in social interactions, later in life for work opportunities, whatever she wants to do.  

We haven't decided on a CI, I am still going back and forth.  I am trying to dive head first into the Deaf community, I don't want her rejected because she has a CI, but I don't want her opportunities limited because she didn't get a CI, either.  Its a hard decision.  And I think people often assume that parents who get a CI for their kids are lazy and want a cure for their child. I personally don't think she needs a cure, she's perfect as she is, as God created her. We are her parents, her advocates, her support system, and anyone who has children I think would agree to that.

Its definitely a hard decision. You get pressure from family and friends who aren't fully emerged in the situation, and all they see is a disability and think you're crazy for not wanting to get a CI for your child.  But then you read all these forums and online articles about freedom to choose and "forcing" your child to "abandon" their culture when they get a CI.  Yes, she is deaf, but she is still my daughter. Yes, I want to live within her culture and not force to be in mine, but I also want all avenues to be open and ready for her for when she makes those decisions later in life.  

Should we wait for her to decide for herself on a CI? Probably. Is delaying the implantation going to delay her speech and possibly her language development? Probably. 

All I know is she is deaf and we love her to pieces. 

[Ivana Marinac]

Many questions - not one answer... 

[Mary Beth]

Welcome.  Your little one is lucky to have such loving parents.  Whatever you decide, will be a decision based on love and will be correct for your family.

 

I was born hearing and started losing my hearing at age 13.  My loss progressed quite rapidly and by the time I was finished with college I was seriously wondering how I would support myself if I lost the remaining hearing I had left.  I got involved in the Deaf culture and learned ASL.  I earned my master's degree in Deaf Education and have enjoyed a wonderful career as a Teacher of the Deaf,  I have hearing, hard-of-hearing and Deaf friends.

 

By age 50, I was no longer functioning okay with the one ear that could still use the most powerful hearing aid.  My other ear had not processed any sound for 24 years.  My world was shrinking and I was so frustrated.  Even though I sign fluently, there were many areas of my life where others did not sign and I missed music and so much more.

 

I received my first CI at age 51 and my second one 8 months later.  They are amazing!  I am hearing better than I have in decades.  I love music and have returned to playing the piano.  I can hear on the phone, listen to podcasts, music on the radio, participate in group dinners, family game nights, attend concerts, talk with family members from different rooms, and the list goes on and on.

 

I still love the Deaf community and think ASL is a beautiful language.  I love spending time with my Deaf friends and signing.

 

Getting CIs was the right decision for me.  I love them.  It was not a rejection of my deafness or sign language.  

 

I wish the best for your family.  Feel free to post questions or update us on your journey.  We are a friendly group.

 

Mary Beth

[Kara of Canada]

Hi welcome to Hearpeers! You question or journey is yours alone. We can tell you how we feel or how our journeys have been. I have been hearing impaired my whole life as I know it. I had meningitis as a baby it damaged my hearing. As well as I have a defect in my left ear. Which we just found. I have had many hearing aids and I gotten to the point where they dint help anymore. I have had an implant in one ear for a year now. It has completely changed my life.  Something I have heard that for kids it is better done sooner than later. If the anatomy is complete and is viable for an implant. You can go. Through all the candidacy testing and still not do it. So best of luck with your daugnter and yes she was created perfect!! They are are in their own way. Some need a little help allong the way!! 

[Mary Beth]

Kara,

Any news on going bilateral?  

[Cara Mia]

Hi tristenc17,

I understand that it is hard to make a life changing decision for somebody else especially when it is your baby. I am glad that you understand that time is crucial for your daughter development ( and it is not only about development of her speech skills). When I read about that controversy of belonging to a deaf community only and fears of being rejected by that community if you can hear I can understand both sides. But I still believe that some compromise can be reached to benefit the kids that cannot make their own decision. In general, people believe that learning the several languages is beneficial for our mental and personal development leading to a social, professional, and cultural advancement and wellness. Then, a CI doesn't prevent anybody from a possibility to learn sign language and get disconnected from the world of sounds when that person want to.... And I would like to know that deaf community doesn't reject people based solely on the fact that those newcomers have some artificial ability to hear. I would like to believe, if you show the respect to the rules of the deaf world and have skills to follow that rules, it should not be any problem to be accepted. But if people don't want you around only because you have a CI.... perhaps I wouldn't want to be around of that people either..... Ok, personally, I think it is always better to choose from more options as it gives more opportunities. And the Ci gives a great opportunity to switch between both worlds.

Best luck in your decision for your daughter!

[Kara of Canada]

On 2016-11-30 at 7:54 PM, Mary Beth said:

Kara,

Any news on going bilateral?  

Yes Mary Beth!! I am on a the list!! But because they only do so few it will be in 2018.  Which is good because my Audi is due to have twins in February coming up. And she'll be back to work by then. Lol 

[Mary Beth]

That's terrific.  Something to look forward to, for sure.

[Kara of Canada]

For sure!! Hololocatiom!!! Here I come!!! 

[Ivana Marinac]

On 07/12/2016 at 8:30 PM, Kara of Canada said:

For sure!! Hololocatiom!!! Here I come!!! 

LOL!  I have realized later that I just might create new word...:P

Because, neither the almighty Uncle Google recognized it too often as a search term...

[Kara of Canada]

Lol! 

[Adam]

This especially 15 ,20 years ago was a very touchy subject in the Deaf community. Honestly there is no right or wrong answer. Whether you are a child or an adult.

it can be very difficult for parents to decide as obviously they want the best for their child. There are great arguments for each side of this question. 

ASL is a beautiful expressive language that I personally love and started learning it actually when I had "normal" hearing. I have CI's and am fully involved in the hearing world. I also have a number of friends that are Deaf, I am able to communicate with them. My wife knows many signs as well. She is hearing. ASL comes in handy if she is quite a ways away from me say across the room in a noisy restaurant. She can just sign and ask what I want to drink or whatever the question. Regardless if you have a CI or not. I think we all should learn a 2nd language. Why not ASL?

 

some people decide to implant the child giving them the option to hear. If they decide later, they would prefer using ASL and not the CI, they can just take off the processors. They would have the CI implanted but it would cause no harm staying where it is.

some choose not to implant their child at all and let them learn sign. Either way, with a loving support system, the child can flourish. 

And some choose to implant their child and let them live fully in the hearing world. They will still be deaf but would be able to hear as well.

it really boils down to what the parents decide. Whatever they decide for their child is the right decision and nobody has the option to tell them they are wrong. 

[Ivana Marinac]

I support Adam's thoughts...
Sometimes, I am jealous that I do not know more of sign language or even reading of somebody else's lips because, essentially, when there is noise or we shut down our gadgets - we are deaf. It's a fact and something what we do not need to be afraid of then standing tall against all odds.
Esentially, people around us - will and wish help. Having opportunity to watch this in the reality when I was a no-believer...
This changed my attitude toward humanity entirely - started to cherish the words of old masters of mind like Lui Clapier who said that: "...Patience is the art of living ... we shouldn't be absent of patience even when possibilities for the achievement is so tiny so we feel it - at our skin...".

Bye Folks! [emoji2]


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[Adam]

No better time than the present Ivana. You can start learning sign language whenever you want. If you are dealing with a deaf patient which I'm sure you will at some point. Just signing hello, how are you or what is your name will make their eyes light up. Even if it is a few signs, knowing that your doctor has taken the interest and time to learn a few signs to try to communicate would mean the world to that patient. 

[Kara of Canada]

My surgeon actually dictated on his phone for me and let me read it. Just a thought! Keep that chin hiigh Ivana. You're a wornderful person.?

[Justanotherjess]

my parents chose for me and my brother to have cochlear implants, it gave us the choice to hear or to sign (we both chose to hear) however if i got up one morning and decided that I wanted to sign then my parents would support that choice