Dealing with Christmas family dinners

[Leah]

I'm wondering how other CI users deal with large family dinners?  My son-in-law is a great cook so the food at our family Christmas dinner is always great.  But with 3 gradeschoolers, 2 teenagers, and 4 adults all talking, I cannot understand what anyone is saying or who is talking. . I have had my CI for almost a year, but this is my first Xmas with a CI.  Any suggestions?  I don;t like pretending that I am enjoying the  party. I have the same problems at meetings of a club I belong to. I expected it would be better with family.

 

 

[Adam]

There is absolutely nothing wrong with going to a quieter part of the house to take a break. I do not apologize for being deaf. If you are involved in a conversation, don't hesitate to ask them to repeat themselves.

Also, knowing the acoustics of the area you are in can help. High ceilings can be an issue, lots of metal.... I usually sit with my back to the wall, this will cut down on any noises from behind and easier to pick up noises in front of you.

If somebody tells you they can hear in all situations, they are lying. Don't feel embarrassed to ask people to repeat themselves. Also once you are further into your hearing journey, you will be very surprised that in a number of hearing situations, you might hear better than those that can actually hear.

[Ivana Marinac]

Yes, that's right - a CI or any other aid or implant are still an aid, not a cure or holy water. It's amazing to have opportunity to participate in these kind of meetings but still certain issues are presented so, Leah - be patient. It's a big circle of people so expecting that everything is going without problem depresses.

Certain steps should be made before everything begins. For instance, if you can sit between everybody else so you have equal distance with each person who participates to the discussion; if you can try to choose a table closer to the wall so sound wave actually stops at the wall as the barrier and reflects back to the room.

 

Still, there are lot's of possibilities for improving your hearing abilities - just: patience. perseverance and practice

[Sandy]

Like Adam, I like to sit with my back to a wall. And yes, no apologies for not hearing everything. Just recently when family and friends say "Oh never mind" if I don't hear them, I explain that I want to hear what they said and that their comment is not acceptable. My family are becoming more understanding and realize that being in a noisy environment can be exhausting for me. Actually, some think I'm lucky, I have the best of both worlds, tune in or tune out!

[Mary Beth]

I am fortunate to have very understanding family members. They are the best. They repeat themselves or catch me up when I get lost. But it still is helpful to remember that they do not know how this process works. Tonight at game night with eight people around the table, I told them that my CIs are doing great but when my brain gets tired, my ears quit. They were very interested and we talked about it for a bit. Later on we were playing a new team game and my nephew asked me whether he was on my better side or if it would be better for me if we traded seats. So sweet. We live this journey and our family members do also to a point. Sometimes I have to remember that it helps to explain how it all works.

I've been in large family groups a lot this week and my brain is exhausted. But it is so much fun to be able to hear everyone. Exhausting but fun. That's where I'm at right now in group situations. It will get better. I should enter this into my hearing journal and then next year I can compare how family group settings are improving.

[One1side]

I wish I understood how to get my family to stop talking to people in other rooms. They can shout to a person in another room with me standing right beside them and do not seem to grasp why I do not appreciate this or sound sensitivity in general. They can grasp that noisy situations are difficult with multiple stimuli running at the same time, but it's like it takes a while for this concept to sink in after I have told them that the situation is difficult. Then they do not see why I become so frustrated. Any suggestions?

[Ivana Marinac]

Winden,

you have to be patient with people - they do not think always at different situations than it's theirs. 

Ough... and sometimes they become even over-cautious which I like even less so - it's a balance.

[Adam]

Winden

Unfortunately it will fall on the hearing impaired person to educate friends and family. Even explaining your situation, does not give them a true understanding unless they walk a day in your shoes. You have to patiently advocate for yourself and educate. It can take time, some will catch on and others just won't. Always try to put yourself in the best situation to hear. They won't always remember so a gentle reminder every once in a while helps quite a bit

[Sandy]

Winden, I agree with both Adam and Ivana. Those who have been able to hear all their lives are used to all the loud noises and yelling from room to room. It's taken me two years and infinite patience, to ignore most of the noise. We are now on the front line to educate others.

[Kara of Canada]

I have come across both kinds of people. Some are easily accommodation ping others can't be bothered as they have no concept of people with hearing loss. But again it education. We need to educate as many people as possible my. Family all know and understand me and my quirkiness. ( when I don't understand). They see and redirect me. So patience and perseverance is the best you can do!! Best of luck, Kara

[Leah]

Thanks everyone for all the ideas.  I only was able to get back and read the posts today, because a few hours after posting my question, I ended up in the hospital with gastroenteritis...or as my grand-kids say crumies in the tummy.  All better now. The two nights in the hospital ware actually a nice break from the grand-kids. Now I am back at my daughter's farm and putting up with all the noise, but looking forward to going home to quiet after new years. Have to remember I can turn off the noise whenever I want.    

 

I seem to be a complete failure when it comes to educating anyone. I wish it were possible to put a set of earphones on my husband so that he could hear what I hear and really walk a day in my shoes.

[Sandy]

Leah, it is not an easy task to educate others. It has taken me two years and I still have days where someone will say something and I think "Really?" You are doing the best you can, you are trying to educate them and if they don't want to listen and try to understand, it is not on you.

[Mary Beth]

Leah,

Remember you can turn down your volume too.

[Ivana Marinac]

Leah,

Remember you can turn down your volume too.

The best advice :D

[Adam]

It can be very difficult to educate as the person really can't relate to what it is like. It took years for my wife to automatically pay attention to where we sit, that she looks at me when talking. She could also tell if we are out to eat if I am struggling to understand the low talking server. She does not answer for me as she knew I am a big boy and can answer for myself. i just needed my wife to repeat what they said so I could read her lips and answer.

I have joked in the past that having a CI is basically having the best of both worlds. If I have just had it with the chaos that is our home, I can always just take the processors off for a few minutes of quiet.

[Kara of Canada]

I was actually at a restaurant for the first time with my CI. I did everything like you said. I wait for the server to speak then I look at my husband for clarification and speak for my self. I sit close to those who I wish to talk with and turned the sensitivity all the way down.

[Adam]

How did it go?????

[Kara of Canada]

Pretty good. I turned down the sensitivy all the way and I was better than with my HAs but still needs some work. It was just too noisy. I could have a conversation though. Which I almost couldn't before!!

[Ivana Marinac]

Well, it's definitely 100% better than before, isn't it?  

[Adam]

That's awesome !

Remember you are very early on in your journey! Keep up the hard work, it is paying off.

[Kara of Canada]

Yes it is way better!! Yes it's still early in my journey. But I haven't regrets!! Love my CI!!!

[Leah]

I don't love my CI. i use it only because I have to. I had polio as a kid and had to wear braces. With the leg braces I could walk, but they were uncomfortable and cause calluses and sometimes blisters. I hated those braces but I wore them.  Eventually, with the practice of walking with the braces, I got enough strength back that I could stop using them. That is how I feel about my CI.  After one year some sounds, which I am told are very quiet, are still uncomfortably loud to me. But if I turn down the volume, I cannot understand what people are saying.

 

 In a quiet kitchen with my husband and daughter, I can have a conversation with either one of them. But if they start talking to each other, I am completely lost.  Same room, same people, same program setting... why the difference?  I know they are not trying trying to exclude me, but am neverless excluded. It is my emotional reaction to big family dinners that gives me problems. 

[Mary Beth]

Hi Leah,

I'm sure that must be frustrating. Are you able to have a conversation 1:1 with your husband or daughter without looking at them to speech read? If you find yourself listening and speech reading during your 1:1 conversation, that may be why a conversation with both of them at the same time is so difficult. It is so hard to speech read a conversation between two other people because they switch back and forth as speakers so often and quickly. Are you bilateral CI or unilateral CI? I'm sorry I can't remember. I'm sure you have tried positioning yourself to give yourself the best possible chance of following the conversation.

What are your favorite auditory training sites?

I'm sorry things are so frustrating for you right now.

Mary Beth

[Adam]

Hi Leah

I know it must be very frustrating for you. For me it was music as it took a while to come back. At one point I did not think I would ever h ear music or really understand it again. You will need to use the same strength grit and determination that you used to learn to walk without those braces. It sounds like you are a real fighter and I think things can get much better for you.

It is critical that you work with your audiologist as a team to come up with maps that will help. Turning down the volume may help as the sounds can be overwhelming. The issue is that is going to make speech very difficult to understand.

I had my audiologist turn off electrode 12 when I was first implanted because I just couldn't take it. Then we turned it back on and gradually turned it up each visit. It is now in line with the rest of the electrodes.

Try to take very detailed notes of what things sound like and what is uncomfortable. This will really help your brain get used to these sounds. The brain is an amazing thing and can adapt very well. It is like a big muscle that has to be exercised to get stronger and better. You have got to practice. Keep them on and at a tolerable volume so your brain can be exposed to and learn these new sounds.

I know you must be very frustrated. Please know that you can come here any time to vent or as questions.

I posted previously about different training. Check out the rehab section on this site. Medel has some good training on their website also.please keep in touch and let us know how things are going

Adam

[Ivana Marinac]

Dear Leah,

 

you are still pretty early on you road - things are not same for everybody but this doesn't mean it's not working. Just - you need some more time.

Our need for any kind of implants or aids isn't fair - that's right; but where would we be without them?

I was born with my hearing loss beside other things - If I would think that's not fair, it really isn't. On the other hand, if I hadn't have my hearing aid I would never accomplish my education - one way or another. It took lot's of prejudices and prides to overcome all obstacles which are still with me but it's much easier.

Of course, you have right if you say that I have different kind of hearing loss, but this doesn't mean that I had similar obstacles like you are describing. This is natural - that's why these things are our aids not cure.

 

Like Mary Beth and Adam already said - there are space for improvement. For instance, second CI really makes difference by improving the speech intelligibility: it fulfills gaps. Same as tuning changes which you make with your audiologist. If I may add, my hearing level is better but I still have to change program if I want to hear other people in the loud room. This is just it. Some things we can resolve, some can't... Please, bounce your spirit...